I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
