I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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