my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
