Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
