trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
