God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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