he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
