I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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