he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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