I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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