Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
