So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
