Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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