Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
