PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
