i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
