the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
