I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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