I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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