its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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