if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the liver wants what the liver wants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
