Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
