I feel like abortions should bother me more
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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