please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
not ubering you a puppy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
