love makes seman taste better
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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