I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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