So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
