hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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