You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
