I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
