So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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