If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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