Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
