he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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