you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
