if you like me you must not know who I am
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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