i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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