I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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