I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
