Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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