I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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