it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
