You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
