You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
