my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this just has baby written all over it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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