We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
