She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
