So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
