So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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