we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You smell like stripper and shame
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
