its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dignity is for republicans.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
