i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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