Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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  (608): i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross. http://tfl.nu/qmd2
  Replies (19) Good night (659) Bad night (2929)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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  (716): Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her http://tfl.nu/fzg2
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (3697)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.

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  (505): Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear. http://tfl.nu/zxhr
  Replies (45) Good night (699) Bad night (2986)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning

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  (616): a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning http://tfl.nu/f62h
  Replies (29) Good night (5939) Bad night (1230)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?

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  (701): Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire? http://tfl.nu/pmju
  Replies (3) Good night (1475) Bad night (2010)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.

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  (312): I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/dhko
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (1678)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick

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  (336): At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick http://tfl.nu/8ojw
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (302)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.

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  (801): If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run. http://tfl.nu/bk6l
  Replies (4) Good night (465) Bad night (1030)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.

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  (248): Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you. http://tfl.nu/e3a4
  Replies (1) Good night (380) Bad night (718)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

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  (609): at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed http://tfl.nu/o3zy
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (360)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered

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  (303): Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered http://tfl.nu/0k0t
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (352)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.

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  (509): We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend. http://tfl.nu/7hil
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate

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  (518): I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate http://tfl.nu/kwqw
  Replies (9) Good night (407) Bad night (881)
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  (805): View more from California

  Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck

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  (805): Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/n0xt
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (207)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes

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  (306): a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes http://tfl.nu/6zne
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (134)

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