remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit