Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
  Replies (5) Good night (544) Bad night (2637)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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  (806): My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. http://tfl.nu/5eg0
  Replies (18) Good night (1142) Bad night (3589)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.

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  (303): Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups. http://tfl.nu/tsnb
  Replies (12) Good night (5316) Bad night (609)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

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  (570): so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses" http://tfl.nu/fgtz
  Replies (13) Good night (4630) Bad night (1007)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink

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  (906): I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink http://tfl.nu/nyxg
  Replies (17) Good night (683) Bad night (4086)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.

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  (302): He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before. http://tfl.nu/latf
  Replies (13) Good night (891) Bad night (4197)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1399) Bad night (4089)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

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  (250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3
  Replies (3) Good night (3222) Bad night (1107)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

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  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (36) Good night (7260) Bad night (1993)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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  (732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02
  Replies (4) Good night (2861) Bad night (728)
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  (212): View more from New York

  This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.

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  (212): This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw. http://tfl.nu/6lr3
  Replies (4) Good night (1610) Bad night (675)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.

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  (918): I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand. http://tfl.nu/relm
  Replies (6) Good night (1070) Bad night (520)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.

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  (412): wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago. http://tfl.nu/kdfi
  Replies (4) Good night (318) Bad night (709)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.

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  (937): It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick. http://tfl.nu/017k
  Replies (3) Good night (435) Bad night (384)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.

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  (505): Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college. http://tfl.nu/nqh4
  Replies (0) Good night (142) Bad night (209)

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