I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.