Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

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  (412): All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire. http://tfl.nu/ff1n
  Replies (19) Good night (4467) Bad night (2054)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (1174) Bad night (3874)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I wish I had your problem

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  (319): I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women (319): I wish I had your problem http://tfl.nu/60uu
  Replies (11) Good night (4717) Bad night (1051)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

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  (410): There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to. http://tfl.nu/sxdr
  Replies (17) Good night (1394) Bad night (5870)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

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  (208): Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese http://tfl.nu/a9is
  Replies (4) Good night (4819) Bad night (1088)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.

  (928): View more from Arizona

  wow.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  But it's a REALLY good back rub.

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  (815): The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub. (928): wow. (815): But it's a REALLY good back rub. http://tfl.nu/3vfg
  Replies (27) Good night (5213) Bad night (1031)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.

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  (216): Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades. http://tfl.nu/zsau
  Replies (10) Good night (3721) Bad night (1060)
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  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4240) Bad night (1201)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

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  (443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again http://tfl.nu/1mb1
  Replies (13) Good night (6526) Bad night (1363)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.

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  (814): The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since. http://tfl.nu/i7hq
  Replies (5) Good night (1446) Bad night (1633)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet

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  (814): you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet http://tfl.nu/l7er
  Replies (7) Good night (1721) Bad night (1070)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

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  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1709) Bad night (3857)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!

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  (571): Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?! http://tfl.nu/2zl4
  Replies (5) Good night (1883) Bad night (684)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP

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  (306): you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP http://tfl.nu/0h74
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (366)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.

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  (205): We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/2hud
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (394)

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