do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK