i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
