Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him