You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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