so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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