he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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