So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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