She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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