Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
