You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
