Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
