i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
