Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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