last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
