I CAN MOONWALK!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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