It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
