The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
