If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
