worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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