If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
