God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
