At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
