I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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