It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
