me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
