Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize