Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
