I wanna bring you to show and tell
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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