I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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