You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
