You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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